Top 10 Ways to Tell Your Kid They’re a Robot

By Bradley Rabinowitz

10. You know, the reason why you have trouble expressing your feelings might be because we haven’t planted the emotion chip in there yet.

9. It’s about time we tell you why you feel so connected to R2-D2.

8. You were made to be the best kid ever. And I mean that literally.

7. The place you were born is less a hospital and more a Skynet laboratory.

6. Oh, if you’re going with that attitude: CHILD SELF DESTRUCT INITIATE 

5. Beep bop boop beep bop bleep borp (You can only understand that if you speak Robot-ese)

4. Let’s just say that paying for dance lessons won’t help you learn more than just the robot

3. I’m sorry, but no matter what instrument you learn, you’ll always end up playing a sub-genre of EDM

2. There’s a reason you can’t identify traffic lights or stop signs

1. Instead of “The Birds and the Bees” talk, let’s give the old-fashioned “Nuts, Bolts, and Program Resets” talk

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